clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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