Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
