he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
