honey bunches of taint.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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