I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
