Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
