Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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