Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
