don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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