Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
