Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
