Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
this hospital has no fireball
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
