Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
