Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
