New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're like the curious george of whores
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
