recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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