the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
