2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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