We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
