Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
