By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
