he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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