Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
