So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
