i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
