you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
