i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
if only i could text you this smell
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
