at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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