I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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