So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
