D3 body, D1 cock
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
