It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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