Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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