final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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