Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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