My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well you can't waste a boner
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
