Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
