Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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