do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
