There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
