How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
