Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
