finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
