between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
