i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
