Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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