I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
