at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
