Will you blow on my dice?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
