did you get engaged???
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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