can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
