i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
